Like a bad Scout Leader I have lost a follower.
Believe it or not, somewhere between 2010 and 2011 one of you wandered off into the virtual forest and has yet to return.
Please come back. You were my favourite.
Are you punishing me? Did you leave because I haven’t blogged for… a while? OK. A long while. Almost as long I’ve been waiting for Simon Amstell to rejoin the heterosexual community, or Robbie to rejoin Take That.
That three-minute clip on the state of English sport where five porky men in inappropriate shorts pretended to row boats and sat as far away from each other as possible in a changing room was a music video? An ACTUAL MUSIC VIDEO?!
Excuse me whilst I sit under my desk a moment and weep.
Anyway. I’m blogging again. I have rejoined the blogosphere (cue sell-out tour and hastily cobbled-together range of mugs and key rings at a very reasonable RRP £6) which makes ME Robbie and you, my disloyal friend, the gradual crumbling of any hope Gary Barlow had of becoming a credible lead singer.
Oh PLEASE come back.
Does it matter that I can’t remember who you were?
I solemnly swear that in future you WILL be my favourite and I’ll update this blog so regularly you’ll be forced to sell your iPhone, smash your iPad and mastermind an overly complex and unengaging Die Hard 4.0-esque plan to destroy the internet because you just CAN’T STOP READING IT.
Unless of course you left because you were so unimpressed with what I was posting. In which case you may remain in the virtual forest. Hungry? Why not sample these tasty looking mushrooms? No not those ones. The red ones with the big white spots. They may LOOK poisonous but hey, we thought that about Peter Andre.